Puppet Strings
by KT the Shimmer Skank
Summary: Most of all, I am not what you think I am: He underestimated her, but Hazel's about to let him know she's more than she seems. Oneshot.


--Puppet Strings--

By: KT the Shimmer Skank

Rating: PG-13 for language, vague references to a sexual relationship, and thematic elements.

Author's Note: Don't own Degrassi, don't make any profit. The title/concept is based loosely on a line from Take On Me. No season four spoilers. An unsual pairing, yes, and this is the first time I have unveiled my interest in it. Even my Bad Yellow chicas don't know I like this pairing, so hey, this should be interesting. This fic is meant to be a letter, so it's pretty short, but I'm quite proud of it all the same. It's different from my usual fics, so reviews are much appreciated.

o o o o o o o o

I am not a puppet. I am not a piece in someone else's game. I am not a token ethnic Barbie doll. Most of all, I am not what you think I am.

I guess you could say it's easy to look past me. People see me in the hallway with Jimmy or Paige and all they see is an accessory. They see me and register my presence; it's Hazel Aden, who else? But I'm just a piece of scenery. Something that's always there, in the middle of it all, impossible to ignore, but of no real importance. I'm like the mural on the wall. An essential, unavoidable piece of Degrassi, but nothing you would ever bother to examine in great detail.

But is that because I'm just Paige's sidekick, or Jimmy's woman? Because I'm just another lemming, following the path someone else has charted out for me? Because I'm too stupid to make my own decisions, mold my own identity? I guess that's what most people think. You might assume that I, like, care, but believe it or not, what people think of me is really the last thing on my mind. I don't do anything to change their minds about me, because it's not important what they think. What's important are the people I care about, the people who are close to me, the people I love. Those people know the real Hazel. I don't feel the need to advertise myself, to try and stand out, to win over anyone. I am who I am, and if people don't think it's worth it to see who I really am, that's their problem.

I thought you were different. I thought that you, of all people, would know that there is so much more to a person that what's on the surface. I let you into my life because I trusted you to be a bigger person that those idiots who make judgements based on reputations. I thought maybe you saw something in me worth getting to know. I thought we were beyond all that hall-gossip bull shit, those harsh barriers of labels and cliques. I really thought that was the point of us being together. I thought we were willing to be different, because there was something special between us.

Clearly, I thought wrong. I guess sometimes I really can be as stupid as they think I am, because part of me really believed that you wanted me for what's underneath. I guess that was my biggest mistake. Thinking you were a better person than people made you out to be. You never really understood that I could be more than a good screw, a pretty face. You underestimated me. You took too much for granted. But that's in the past now. That's your loss, and that's something you'll have to come to terms with on your own. I have already realized my mistake, and I'm a big enough person to learn from it.

I'm sorry that you're ashamed of me and that you can't face up to what we did. But hey, not my problem. Because despite what you think, I'm not stupid, and I can easily make my own decisions. I have made my decision, Sean, and nothing you say is going to change it. I'm not asking for your permission, and I'm damn sure not asking for your help. Because, see, I'm a big girl, and I have no problem doing this all on my own. I am not ashamed, and I'm mature enough to live with what I've done.

Not that I will be alone, of course. My friends, my real friends, the people who love me for who I am, are willing to stand by me. Even Jimmy, who I've hurt more than anyone, is standing by me. They know what a strong person I am inside, and they trust me to take care of myself. They trust me to make the right decision.

I'm writing this because I'm tired of the arguing, Sean. I'm tired of you telling me what to do, trying to tell me that you know what's best. This is the last time I'm going to tell you this. I am not getting an abortion. I am not going to take the life of my child, just because you're not man enough to live up to your mistakes. I'm better than that, I'm stronger than that, and I am damn sure smarter than that. I don't know what you will do, and to be honest, I don't care any more. I'm far from perfect, but all of my mistakes aside, I know that a few years down the road I'll still know I did the right thing. I know that I can look myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am. Can you say the same?

I don't want this to be goodbye. I'd like for us to come to better terms, if for no other reason than the sake of our child. But if you can't deal with my decision, that's fine. I can do this on my own. All I ask is that you let it go. Stop trying to change my mind. There's nothing you can do. I have made my decision.

No one can pull my puppet strings, Sean. Not even you.


End file.
